March 22 Steroids hearings day two
"Steroids been berry berry good to me." Sammy Sosa said to congress with a smile so wide and infectious even Mark McGwire chuckled as he mimicked stabbing his posterior with a needle. "The leetle children grow so beeg when they have their Jooce!" He kept the senators laughing "And you knows how I loves the leetle cheeldrens!" The laughter died down somewhat with that last comment, but started right back up when he added "Joo theenk I was buying Sunny Deelight in the hotel lobby for tweenty tousand doellars?"
How refreshing it was today in the secret hearings, nobody took the fifth, everyone told the truth. Raphie Palmeiro, the spokesman for Viagra, still says he never used performance enhancing drugs. "There was no such thing as the blue pill when I was dating Ryne Sandberg's wife!" he exclaimed. "Unlike Sammy, I never needed cork in my bat to knock one out of the park."
The most stunning admission came from the bad boy himself Jose Canseco "I was in love with Mark McGwire, sure I was in a toilet stall naked with him on several occasions, but not to inject him with steroids, that's just my cover story, I just wanted him to notice me, spend some time with me, I wanted him to want me, Jose, all the way, 110 percent."
President Bush in a special taped message admitted to knowing several Texas Rangers used the now banned substance when he was an owner. "Sure I knew, I even had a secret code name for it WMBD, Weapon of mass baseball destruction we called it, I took some myself when I went to Yale and it had no negative affect on me, except for making it virtually impossible for me to eat a pretzel without choking!" The entire hearing went up for grabs on that line. Denny Hastert peed his pants.
A peeved commissioner Bud Selig left the chamber spouting "No Comment!" to reporters waiting behind the locked doors. He left in such haste the "Kick Me" sign taped to his back came loose and floated down the capitol steps. A little boy picked it up, and with a tear in his eyes uttered "Say it ain't so ridiculous Joe, say it ain't so!"
How refreshing it was today in the secret hearings, nobody took the fifth, everyone told the truth. Raphie Palmeiro, the spokesman for Viagra, still says he never used performance enhancing drugs. "There was no such thing as the blue pill when I was dating Ryne Sandberg's wife!" he exclaimed. "Unlike Sammy, I never needed cork in my bat to knock one out of the park."
The most stunning admission came from the bad boy himself Jose Canseco "I was in love with Mark McGwire, sure I was in a toilet stall naked with him on several occasions, but not to inject him with steroids, that's just my cover story, I just wanted him to notice me, spend some time with me, I wanted him to want me, Jose, all the way, 110 percent."
President Bush in a special taped message admitted to knowing several Texas Rangers used the now banned substance when he was an owner. "Sure I knew, I even had a secret code name for it WMBD, Weapon of mass baseball destruction we called it, I took some myself when I went to Yale and it had no negative affect on me, except for making it virtually impossible for me to eat a pretzel without choking!" The entire hearing went up for grabs on that line. Denny Hastert peed his pants.
A peeved commissioner Bud Selig left the chamber spouting "No Comment!" to reporters waiting behind the locked doors. He left in such haste the "Kick Me" sign taped to his back came loose and floated down the capitol steps. A little boy picked it up, and with a tear in his eyes uttered "Say it ain't so ridiculous Joe, say it ain't so!"
5 Comments:
I always thought RB was on steroids, because he was always tired. He
fondly looks back at the days at Vincennes U and raising the lid to
your record player and relieving himself. Those were the days.
By marksme, at 6:16 AM
we were talking about that in class the other day, but I dont really know cause I wasnt listening. The only part that I remember is when the conversation started dying down, and some guy goes "MARK McGUIRE SUCKS!"
By LufaMouse, at 6:56 AM
"MARK McGUIRE SUCKS!"??? The youth of today? How dare you scorn the trailblazers. McGuire had vision to be the first one to "Juice" it up. Oh no! Don't blame him. Life is like hockey... call the penalty on the second guy. The one who retaliates. For he is the one that "Sucks".
By Skokie Shakes, at 3:13 PM
Isn't cyberspace funny? I was looking for a music store in Loogootee (Chris Main - didn't find it) and google brought me to your blog. Who would've thought? I just want to say I enjoy your writing. I've read the March 22 - March 4 entries and intend to read more later. I'm supposed to be working now! -John from Ireland (not the country)
By John, at 9:42 AM
Where are you? No posts for April?
You out on the links bashing the ball?
By marksme, at 8:37 PM
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