Embracing Life's Lessons
The pitch line in the ad jumped at me like a lion leaps on a midget "Learn how to turn chaos and turmoil into victory and success!" Whoaa...I have chaos...I have turmoil! Best selling Author and "Motivational Speaker" Stephanie E. Wilson presents her powerful new book. Forget the fact that the ad appeared in Indigo, a black publication, and I am the whitest person who ever scraped the last drop of Miracle Whip from the bottom of a jar. Forget that I have no clue who Stephanie E. Wilson is. I saw that for $18.25 I can turn my chaos and turmoil into victory and success and decided to order 2 copies. One for me and one for George Bush. Al-queida, pack up your shit right now! When I was young they called it taking a lemon and making lemonade, but that sucks. I have never understood lemonade and I never will. It tastes like lemony sugar water, it only makes you thirstier, and it doesn't get you drunk. What's more you remain chaotic and a big assed loser. My only question is what the E stands for in Stephanie E Wilson. Excellence?
It my family the E stands for Edith,Ellen,and Evelyn. Those are the middle names of my sisters. Their initials were all the same before they married. It was a planned by my parents so they could buy monogramed luggage for them in bulk. It was also a big hint to them, having luggage standing by their entire young lives. Get OUT! They did all get out and are doing quite nicely, it looks like the plan worked. Success and Victory!
The BBC has reported that on April 30th of this year, an elite force of fighting Cambodian midgets held a spectacle in which their army of 42 little people fought one imported African Lion. The event was held in the Cambodian city of Kampong Chhnang to a paying audience. The fighting force had advertised that they could take on any challenge..Man..Machine...or beast. A detractor said "How about a Lion?" "What say you fight a Lion?" Sure that 42 of them could outwit and out muscle such a creature, they welcomed the fight. The government of Cambodia allowed the show, only upon the stringent safety demand that they receive 50 percent of the gate. Within 12 minutes 28 midgets were declared dead and 14 others had broken bones and lost limbs making them unable to continue the fight. Where was Quentin Tarantino in all of this? Just imagine the chaos and turmoil.
Straightening out my life should be a walk in the park compared to that! I am going to read the book. I am going to face my own beast. I am going to demand Cambodia gets only a small percentage of the pay-per-view.XXXXXI
It my family the E stands for Edith,Ellen,and Evelyn. Those are the middle names of my sisters. Their initials were all the same before they married. It was a planned by my parents so they could buy monogramed luggage for them in bulk. It was also a big hint to them, having luggage standing by their entire young lives. Get OUT! They did all get out and are doing quite nicely, it looks like the plan worked. Success and Victory!
The BBC has reported that on April 30th of this year, an elite force of fighting Cambodian midgets held a spectacle in which their army of 42 little people fought one imported African Lion. The event was held in the Cambodian city of Kampong Chhnang to a paying audience. The fighting force had advertised that they could take on any challenge..Man..Machine...or beast. A detractor said "How about a Lion?" "What say you fight a Lion?" Sure that 42 of them could outwit and out muscle such a creature, they welcomed the fight. The government of Cambodia allowed the show, only upon the stringent safety demand that they receive 50 percent of the gate. Within 12 minutes 28 midgets were declared dead and 14 others had broken bones and lost limbs making them unable to continue the fight. Where was Quentin Tarantino in all of this? Just imagine the chaos and turmoil.
Straightening out my life should be a walk in the park compared to that! I am going to read the book. I am going to face my own beast. I am going to demand Cambodia gets only a small percentage of the pay-per-view.XXXXXI
6 Comments:
Tyler Durden says self-improvement is masturbation.
I'm glad to see a new post, I was getting worried you forgot about your blog.
By Dave Hoffman, at 10:23 PM
For only $18.25 I suggest you fight those midget demons that you have in your life and wash 'em down with a tall glass of Absolute & lemonade.
By Skokie Shakes, at 12:36 PM
This post has been removed by the author.
By marksme, at 9:50 PM
It reminds me of the time Randy Norris came after Randy Bright with a knife! Randy Bright kick it out of
Norris's hand and they rolled around in the wet mud of an Amish hog farm, all the while, Dave Walton smoked a Kool
and laughed a lot. Dave is doing much better these days and I hope you are too.
We leave for San Juan, PR Sunday and will be at O'Hara for a brief time, before a long flight to a cruise ship, with little Lynn, her 70 year old parents (who's only other big vacation was a trip to Boggs Park), and my youngest son Jason plus girlfriend Casey. 7 days to see the South Carribean islands, leaving all the craziness behind will be nice. This may be nice trip for your Miss Kathy and you someday?
Take care Joe,
Mark
By marksme, at 9:51 PM
are you telling me that your sisters all had luggage monogramed with "MEH?"
Meh, the ultimate response to "I dont care," "Whatever," or "Sure, just go away now."
Then why did you get stuck with CJH, that doesnt spell anything. If you ask me, your name should have been Mourice Everett Hoffman.
fortunately I have been blessed with "Ech" which could be possibly used as a term of disgust.
My child's intitals are going to be "OOH!"
or "Lah!"
what else...
By LufaMouse, at 10:55 AM
Here's the cool thing,now 2 of my sisters have the monogram MEL. Aunt Mary has a bowling ball that says MEL on it!
The CJH has something to do with inheriting a million dollars from Uncle Charlie. never happened...a life wasted
By Joe, at 6:11 PM
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