Chapter Seven

"A day can be a beautiful thing if touched by Kindness." those words were written in giant letters on the back of a semi-trailer before me as I sat in the front seat of Russell's SUV on the way home from the hospital. Next to the quote was the silhouetted figures of a man and woman holding a young boy's hands as they walked through high grass. The woman had a tied off bundle of hair that flowed out the back of her head like the groomed tail of a show horse. Their dark figures gave me the thought that they were a very happy but dead family. That whoever mows the grass in heaven is not doing a very good job these days. Below that was the inscription "Rainbow Preferred Meats" Antioch, Illinois.

Louis was sitting in the back seat, with Nancy the dog, commenting aloud on an article he was reading from some trashy periodical. "Says here that there is a woman in New York City, a virgin, that's 9 months pregnant!" Russell let out a doubting rush of air as Louis rambled on. "She's 20 years old, unmarried, and has been medically deemed untouched by original sin. Some people believe she is going to give birth to the second coming of Christ." Russell leaked again. "But she's encountered a number of naysayers, especially from the government."

"Why in God's name would the government be so against it?" chirped Russell

"Because of the holiday it would create, another Christmas!" Louis said with a smile in his voice, happy that Russell had joined the fray. "There is an outlandish expense to the Christmas Holiday, with workers and government taking time off and others being paid triple overtime. Not to mention the credit card debt incurred by all those gift-buying saps. People flying all over the country, creating log jams at airports and bus stations. All the security required and lost productivity, this country couldn't afford another Jesus."

Russell banged the steering wheel with his fist."Bull!" he screamed. "They wouldn't need another holiday, they could just combine the two, like President's Day."

Louis jumped in "Jesus' Day." he snorted.

"Shut up Louis!" Russell was getting uncharacteristically angry. "If we were killed in an accident right here on this hiway right now, you would bypass purgatory and go straight to hell for eternity!" Russell was Catholic to the core and bypassing purgatory was saved for only the worst of the sinners.

"Anyway." Louis continued with a stifled laugh. "It goes on to speculate who the 3 wise men would be to visit him on his birth and what they would offer."

"It wouldn't include you obviously!"Russell retorted, taking a shot at Louis' goat

"It says here that Johnny Cougar Mellencamp would bring a royalty check, from his song Little Pink Houses and Bruce Willis would bring a gift certificate to the Hard Rock Cafe and Bill Clinton would bring an autographed copy of his book." Louis said dryly.

"Why are all the wise men entertainers? What piece of crap tabloid are you reading anyway Louis?" Russell asked.

"The Louisville Courier Journal." he said, matter of factly.

As I sat there wondering how the rest of my life was going to go, I pondered why there was blue smoke coming from the tires of the semi in front of us, and why the ghost family was getting so large, so fast. It occurred to me that Russell had engaged himself with Louis' chiding and had not noticed that the truck in front of us had slammed on it's brakes. It crossed my mind that Russell was wanting to test his theory on Louis' express commute to hell.

The driver side airbag inflated the split-second Russell's Chevy Suburban hit the back of the trailer, slapping his face and making his eye pop out. Nancy flew with all four paws out like "Superdog" into the back of my bandaged head, driving it into the windshield. Louis went face first into the newspaper and then the driver's headrest, leaving print on both. The car twisted and veered off the road, spinning wildly. It flipped over twice and landed softly in a fir tree. Our truck had come to rest with the tail in the air and the back lift-gate open. All the well-wishers balloons that the nurses aides had stuffed into the back of the Suburban were leaking out, one at a time from the broken door. It gave the effect that the truck was sinking and letting off air bubbles.

When Russell had decided that we were all unharmed, he grabbed his medical kit and ran to help the other victims of this accident. Nancy sat in my lap by the side of the road and licked my face. This time I didn't mind so much.