Part II Chapter Eleven

One day I opened the door to my shower and found Albert Einstein standing there wearing a three piece suit and golf-spikes. He was holding an open pocket watch. "Right on time!" he said as he closed the watch and slid it back into his vest pocket. "Marty, I'm Albert, I've been wanting to talk to you." He handed me the soap on a rope.

"Excuse me...Albert, but is there a better place for you and I to speak." I was dangling the soap nervously in front of my genitals.

"A better place doesn't exist Mary."he exclaimed. "Heaven is like a warm shower around the clock you know." he laughed like a woman. "Marty, I realize you have questions, and right now I'm the only one who can help you."

"Why you Mr. Einstein?"
"Albert!"
"Albert." I corrected myself

"You are seeing dead people, like that little kid in the movie with Bruce Willis, and that's bound to shake you up some I would imagine." he continued. "I have a theory on why this is happening to you, and because I do, I get to come talk to you about it."

"I really liked that movie." I said with a nostalgic smile.

"Who gives a shit Marty?" Al could be short at times. "You wanna hear my theory or review cinema with me? I'm Albert Friggin Einstein for god sake!"

"Theory."I said

"Ok, so you lost a big hunk of brain to a Chicken bone and survived, we know that... and since then you've been getting visions of heaven and hell."

Oh yea, I forgot to tell you about the visions of heaven and hell. I've been getting them.

"So my theory is this...ahem...some people believe the brain is divided into sections that control different functions..sight, thought, logic, art, and so forth. I, however, believe the brain is like a hologram, if you bust it up into a hundred pieces, the entire picture would appear in every single fragment."This was the first I'd heard about the hologram thing, but then again, I'm no Einstein.
"So you stay here on earth, but part of your brain dies and goes to the afterlife, where I am right now." He turned his head and chuckled. "Getting my drift?"

"My brain is still thinking in the afterlife, and I'm somehow still connected to it mentally?" I asked.

"Whatayou stupid?" he said. "It's nothing like that...." He paused. "or is it?" He scratched his soppy head. "That wasn't my theory at all, but now that you say it outloud it makes perfect sense!" He smiled. "I was going to say that you were having delusions, but this is much stranger and more interesting...Let me see if I have this right... Your brain is sending back live pictures from the after life?...Fan friggin tastic!" He clapped his flat hands together at the fingertips. "What an excellent theory, My God Marty, you're a genius!"

"Really Mr. Einstein?" My lips broadened with a big smile.

"Albert!"

"Albert." I said

"No Marty, I'm sorry to say you're not, that was in fact my theory and it was so simple I felt too embarrassed to spell it out for you. I can be a real smartass sometimes." He seemed a little ashamed to be so cruel.

He went on to explain that Louis' arm could be doing the same thing in a less material way, but he really didn't find external limbs nearly as interesting as the human brain.

"Where you have the advantage Marty is you can use this as a meter to how well you are performing your functions on earth. If you have visions of heaven, it means that you've done the right things and your brain is in Utopia, but if you see hell!! He smiled. "Take notice of the people you talk to, some conversations will make no sense, and others will be like this one, it makes a difference." His face was dead serious looking.

He pulled out his watch again."Uh oh, time for Beanie!" referring to an old cartoon called Beanie and Cecil.

"Do you really stop every day to watch Beanie?" I asked

"Just a joke Marty, I have a tee time. Golf is fan friggin tastic!" he turned to disappear into the wall and turned back. "Good luck with this gift Marty." he looked down at my waist. "Nice pecker." and then he vaporized.