Chapter Thirteen

It was time to take stock. I was standing in the bathroom staring in the mirror at what looked like a character in a science fiction movie from the 60s. Dr. Granger had been to the party and he along with two paramedics...a pair of medics, had removed my charred, head wound dressing. They wrapped my shaved and scarred skull with a fresh bandage and then put a plastic, helmut-like affair on top of that. Then they covered the helmut with gauze and wrapped that in another bandage. I was maybe a foot taller than I was before. My eyes were blackened from the broken nose I received in the car accident. The left side of my face was red and burned, someone at the party tried to put my head fire out with a cosmopolitan. My neck was scratched from Nancy's paws.

Louis appeared behind me in the mirror. "If you're not careful, your modeling career is going to be in serious shit." he spoke

"Louis, do you have time to answer some questions for me?" I walked out of the bathroom expecting him to follow me. He did not.

"Shoot." said Louis followed by the sound of a race horse urinating.

I paused and swallowed. I didn't feel like this was the best way to have a serious man to man chat, that may alter the course of my existence. Oh well. "I need to know who those people were."

"What people?" Apparently Louis had not noticed the 50 some faces in my apartment.

"I dunno, uh, let's see, oh yea like the young man that called me DAD!" I barked

"That's your son Marty." Louis punctuated the comment with a fart.

"Oh really? Well thank you Dr. Phil, I'm glad we could have this talk." I laid back down on my bed but there was so much crap on my head between me and the pillow that my chin stuck to my chest.

Louis came bouncing out of the bathroom, zipping his fly with one hand."We've had this same talk about 40 times now Marty, I thinking of writing a song and recording it for you."

What's his name?" I said bluntly

Louis looked at me blankly. I swear I heard a click every time he blinked his eyes. There was a long silence, lots of staring, and many clicks. Finally his mouth opened. "Louis. Your son's name is LOOO--USSS. You named him after me. Asshole."

"Who is his Mother?" I squeezed my eyelids shut

"Her name is Carol, she was the woman who kissed you, the short petite brunette." His lips were straight, like he was angry. "She visited you several times while you were in the coma. "She has been very concerned about your well-being."

"Are we married?" I wasn't ready for a yes answer.

"You are divorced and she married a guy that works at the drug store." He began picking his nose.

"Raymond?" I asked

Louis yanked his finger out of his nose in surprise and whipped his gaze at me. "How did you know that?"

"Lucky guess, I remember maybe 6 people...Tops, and he's one of em." I looked at his index finger and he startedly switched his attention to what was on it. He wiped it on my bandage.

"Yea, well, they got divorced last year and she is living in Phillips Ridge, with Louis." He grabbed a chair and pulled it up to the bed. "You lived with a woman named Candace, very pretty, very smart, she left you and is now a radio personality in Chicago making 7 figures." he sounded like he was reading from a book. "You married another woman named Cynthia, she was a party animal, and a daredevil. You divorced her when you caught her with another man. Also Raymond."

"Geez, what is this thing with Raymond anyway?" I asked.

"Dunno, but I can kill him if you want, it's been a standing offer for several years." Louis is a loyal friend, maybe I will have him kill Raymond for me. "Cynthia moved to New Albany, Indiana and works at the Louisville Slugger plant."

"I love those bats, I used to have one when I was a kid." I said

"Your Mom was at the party, Bob was pushing her wheelchair around all evening, whether she wanted him to or not." he smirked. "I believe she said something about the bat, she told us about your entire life, in real time."

"Oh god!" I put my hands on my bandage.

"Yesterday was the anniversary of when you stopped wetting the bed." He said very directly.

"I was going to ask you if I wet the bed. Thank you." I paused thoughtfully. "Louis am I a good person, or am I a bad person?"

"Marty, you are my best friend and you have been since 3rd grade. If you are a bad person, then I must be one too." His eyes looked a little moist at this point. "I think you are a fantastic man, you are my hero and every time you nearly die it sucks the life out of me my friend. If there is anything bad about you its the fact that you have more accidents than the normal human. You have been in 5 serious car accidents, you were struck by lightening at the age of 18. You fell out of a 7 story window when you were 25 and landed on an awning that broke your fall, and your elbows." He held up his one elbow to make his point and I looked at mine. "You survived a plane crash in which 10 people were killed when you were 29, you broke most of your toes."

I wiggled my tootsies, they seemed fine. "Wow, that's a bunch!"

"Just gettin started Marty, just gettin started." his face changed demeanor. "Lisa called, she wanted to know how you were, I told her you were on fire, she stopped me and said "No, I mean emotionally." she's very funny Marty." he paused. "You do remember Lisa don't you?"

"Yes, I remember." I curtly replied. I noticed a stain on the bed. "what's this?"

"While you were passed out, Dr. Granger and Carol were in here making out on the bed. I think they had sex." Louis started to touch the spot and then pulled his hand away.

"Is there any chicken left?" I asked