Chapter Forty
The big beautiful TV in Russell's house turned on with an audible thud. The screen jumped to life in High Definition. Russell raised the foot rest of the green Barcolounger that he had worn the shape of his butt in, and opened a Diet Coke. My son Louis sat on the couch with his tennis shoes atop an ottoman. Oprah's voice came booming through the surround sound speakers.
"Today, Live on Oprah, we talk to the friends of Clark Martin. We look into this new religion that bears his name and claims to heal the lame and cure the soul. We hear a remarkable tale of the day that John Mellencamp was crushed to death." Louis my son rubbed his hands with anticipation.
"Joining us in our studio are some close friends, here to tell their unbelievable stories."
Russell fidgeted in his chair."Quiet...Here we go!" Louis looked at Russell with disdain. Louis had not said a word in the last 20 minutes.
"This is Dave Price of the CBS Early show. Candace Kane, morning personality at WGID in Chicago, Louis Tooth a man whose life is invisibly connected to Clark Martin's, Lisa Karr, Clark's girlfriend." Lisa smiled nervously at that introduction, she had not approved of the words. "and Clark's close personal friend for many years Bob Dilley." The music swelled and dipped down. Bob looked confused, he didn't know anyone named Clark Martin, he only knew Marty. "Joining us via satellite is Rock Diva, Madonna from the new home for the CMB religion in Knoxville, Tennessee." The audience applauded in appreciation. "All on today's Oprah!"
Russell pushed the foot rest back down and brought it up again. He drank his coke to the bottom and belched, unintentionally. The arm rest opened easily with a flick of his wrist revealing a cooler with 5 more chilled cans inside. He popped the tab. "SHHHH!" Louis held his index fingers to his lips, retaliating for Russell's scolding a minute earlier.
The opening titles animated out and a boom camera swept across the audience. Oprah came striding out with great enthusiasm as her adoring, largely female audience, cheered her on. She came striding up onto the already full stage, wearing a brown suede dress, and black, knee high boots with spike heels.
"Isn't she beautiful!" Russell lilted as he followed her every move. Louis looked back at him with a curious glare. It had just occurred to him that he had never seen Russell with a woman. He was trying to remember if he had ever spoken of a woman. His eyes scanned the room, desperately seeking a picture with a female face on it. He looked for a girly magazine laying somewhere. Louis' shoulders drew up to his chin as he considered the possibilities.
In all of the excitement and noise of start of the program, Oprah the dog broke free of Bob's arms and ran across the stage. He stopped briefly and did an Oprah show of his own, leaving a small moist package of poop behind. The stage manager chased him down and returned him to Bob without noticing the mess. As the female Oprah walked up the step she planted her spike heels directly into the gooey pile and her feet came out from under her. Louis, anticipating her fall had already leapt from his chair and firmly grabbed the superstar talk show host to stop her drop.
Oprah was noticeably shocked and then gracious. The smile that charmed millions of viewers every day set itself free on Louis' eyes. "Looks like I really stepped in it now!" The audience roared with laughter. Her head whipped quickly from camera to camera, showing her embarrassment and her grace under pressure. "Thank you." She said to Louis as her smile diminished. She felt uncomfortable being held so tightly by a man when she didn't know his name. She had not met him before and had not studied his history. All of her information would come from her staff via cue cards and quick whispers from the various segment producers that stalked the stage from behind the set and cameras. She softly spoke to Louis. "Really, I'll be fine, you can let go."
"I can't let go." Said Louis.
Oprah looked down at her arm and saw only the impression of fingers where a hand should be. Louis was holding her with his Phantom Limb.
"Jumping Jesus!" Oprah screamed. The screen at Russell's house went black.
"Today, Live on Oprah, we talk to the friends of Clark Martin. We look into this new religion that bears his name and claims to heal the lame and cure the soul. We hear a remarkable tale of the day that John Mellencamp was crushed to death." Louis my son rubbed his hands with anticipation.
"Joining us in our studio are some close friends, here to tell their unbelievable stories."
Russell fidgeted in his chair."Quiet...Here we go!" Louis looked at Russell with disdain. Louis had not said a word in the last 20 minutes.
"This is Dave Price of the CBS Early show. Candace Kane, morning personality at WGID in Chicago, Louis Tooth a man whose life is invisibly connected to Clark Martin's, Lisa Karr, Clark's girlfriend." Lisa smiled nervously at that introduction, she had not approved of the words. "and Clark's close personal friend for many years Bob Dilley." The music swelled and dipped down. Bob looked confused, he didn't know anyone named Clark Martin, he only knew Marty. "Joining us via satellite is Rock Diva, Madonna from the new home for the CMB religion in Knoxville, Tennessee." The audience applauded in appreciation. "All on today's Oprah!"
Russell pushed the foot rest back down and brought it up again. He drank his coke to the bottom and belched, unintentionally. The arm rest opened easily with a flick of his wrist revealing a cooler with 5 more chilled cans inside. He popped the tab. "SHHHH!" Louis held his index fingers to his lips, retaliating for Russell's scolding a minute earlier.
The opening titles animated out and a boom camera swept across the audience. Oprah came striding out with great enthusiasm as her adoring, largely female audience, cheered her on. She came striding up onto the already full stage, wearing a brown suede dress, and black, knee high boots with spike heels.
"Isn't she beautiful!" Russell lilted as he followed her every move. Louis looked back at him with a curious glare. It had just occurred to him that he had never seen Russell with a woman. He was trying to remember if he had ever spoken of a woman. His eyes scanned the room, desperately seeking a picture with a female face on it. He looked for a girly magazine laying somewhere. Louis' shoulders drew up to his chin as he considered the possibilities.
In all of the excitement and noise of start of the program, Oprah the dog broke free of Bob's arms and ran across the stage. He stopped briefly and did an Oprah show of his own, leaving a small moist package of poop behind. The stage manager chased him down and returned him to Bob without noticing the mess. As the female Oprah walked up the step she planted her spike heels directly into the gooey pile and her feet came out from under her. Louis, anticipating her fall had already leapt from his chair and firmly grabbed the superstar talk show host to stop her drop.
Oprah was noticeably shocked and then gracious. The smile that charmed millions of viewers every day set itself free on Louis' eyes. "Looks like I really stepped in it now!" The audience roared with laughter. Her head whipped quickly from camera to camera, showing her embarrassment and her grace under pressure. "Thank you." She said to Louis as her smile diminished. She felt uncomfortable being held so tightly by a man when she didn't know his name. She had not met him before and had not studied his history. All of her information would come from her staff via cue cards and quick whispers from the various segment producers that stalked the stage from behind the set and cameras. She softly spoke to Louis. "Really, I'll be fine, you can let go."
"I can't let go." Said Louis.
Oprah looked down at her arm and saw only the impression of fingers where a hand should be. Louis was holding her with his Phantom Limb.
"Jumping Jesus!" Oprah screamed. The screen at Russell's house went black.
5 Comments:
Jumping Jesus???? Jumping Jesus. I wonder if Oprah would really use that phrase.....
Can't wait till she hears the dog is named after her. She LOVES dogs.
By Anonymous, at 8:33 PM
Poor Dean.
By Max, at 9:18 PM
Anon: She says it. This I know. She also says "Who ate all the twinkies?" (btw, the answer is always "You did!")
Max: Dean WILL pay. That's what he gets paid for.
By Joe, at 10:35 AM
who' Dean? What did I miss?
By Anonymous, at 10:59 AM
anon: Dean, if you are a fan of Oprah,is her stage manager. He didn't fall on the dog poop before O stepped in it. Fatal error on his part. (you would either really be into her show, or know Dean to get the reference)
By Joe, at 4:12 PM
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