Chapter Forty Six
My cell phone was ringing. It was playing a song by the Flaming Lips called "She don't use Jelly." It's funny that I really wanted to answer it despite being sliced into a hundred pieces. Ted yelled "Hey...you wanna get that it's driving me..." He turned around to look at me and realized that there was no way I could manipulate a telephone in my condition and spun his head back around in silence.
"Here we go, right here!" Ted whipped the car to the right and I could hear gravel spinning under the tires. Everything on the floorboards rolled violently to the passenger side.
The next thing I knew, the back door opened and Ted, along with a large black gentleman began collecting all of my parts and carried them into and old brick building. It appeared to be a rather rundown gas station, most likely a Texaco station at one time. The brick had been painted white on some distant date and had flaked off in scattered hunks. Somebody had hand painted, in a very average way, words in big black letters on the side of the structure. At the top it said "Auto Repair." But what impressed me most was what it said below that...."Body Parts."
"Is this everything? You keep shortin me Stockings. I can't work with missing parts!" The black man had a badge a lot like Ted's on his lapel. It said "Don."
"Oh hell Don, why do you always have to give me a pile of shit everytime I come in here?" Ted was carrying my legs as he kicked the garage door closed with his heel. "I swear to God you live to give me a hard time."
"Me! Look at what you've done here Ted! Everytime you come in here you bring me a bigger mess. Then you say, Oh Don, this was a tough case!"
"It was a tough case. No Joke! Tell em Marty!" I kept my mouth shut. "Aw fuck. Listen I'll be back around supper time." He stopped as he turned for the door and reached into his pocket. "Here, your gonna need these." He dumped my teeth on to the table next to my head.
"She don't use butter, she don't use cheese, she don't use jelly, or any of these..." My cell phone started ringing again.
Don was suiting up for work. Around him there were odd tools hanging from looping tubes that looked like giant springs. He never had to lay his tools down, they never got lost. He would just pull them down from the ceiling when he needed them, and when he was done they would bounce back up. His work area was spotless. Initially he was disturbed with what Ted had done to me, and now he was furious that my phone was ringing. "Take care of that Damn phone Stockings!"
Ted picked up the phone and flipped it open.
My ex wife Carol and her new boyfriend Dr. Granger were sitting at the table of a medium that they found in Louisville. There was a crystal ball on the table of the darkly lit room. Carol's eyes were as big as silver dollars as she held on to Granger's hand. Granger had a smirk of disbelief on his face. The rather portly woman at the other side of the table had her eyes closed and was swaying rhythmically. "I can feel the spirit of Marty...he's in the room with us now!"
Carol swallowed hard. Granger almost laughed. "Marty, come to us, speak through me Marty, use my body to talk to your Wife!" The medium jerked. Her eyes opened and shot chimney red sparks. "Listen, Brunhilda, Marty can't come to your little circle jerk right now, he's laid out in about a hundred pieces scattered all over the fucking room. Tell his bitch of an ex wife and that bunny quack of a surgeon to mind their own Goddamn business and quit bugging us. If they are harboring some guilt about the way they treated Marty just let them know he's getting it worse down here! Now for the last time....go fuck yourselves!" With that the medium's head slammed down on the table so hard, her crystal ball jumped out of it's base and rolled off the table with a thundering bang.
Carol screamed the scream that you would hear in a horror movie. When she looked over to Granger all she saw was an empty chair and an open door.
Ted closed the phone. "See ya around 6:00." He tossed the phone into a garbage drum and walked out the big metal door.
Don pulled a tool down from the ceiling and covered his face with a welder's mask. "Asshole." he muttered.
"Here we go, right here!" Ted whipped the car to the right and I could hear gravel spinning under the tires. Everything on the floorboards rolled violently to the passenger side.
The next thing I knew, the back door opened and Ted, along with a large black gentleman began collecting all of my parts and carried them into and old brick building. It appeared to be a rather rundown gas station, most likely a Texaco station at one time. The brick had been painted white on some distant date and had flaked off in scattered hunks. Somebody had hand painted, in a very average way, words in big black letters on the side of the structure. At the top it said "Auto Repair." But what impressed me most was what it said below that...."Body Parts."
"Is this everything? You keep shortin me Stockings. I can't work with missing parts!" The black man had a badge a lot like Ted's on his lapel. It said "Don."
"Oh hell Don, why do you always have to give me a pile of shit everytime I come in here?" Ted was carrying my legs as he kicked the garage door closed with his heel. "I swear to God you live to give me a hard time."
"Me! Look at what you've done here Ted! Everytime you come in here you bring me a bigger mess. Then you say, Oh Don, this was a tough case!"
"It was a tough case. No Joke! Tell em Marty!" I kept my mouth shut. "Aw fuck. Listen I'll be back around supper time." He stopped as he turned for the door and reached into his pocket. "Here, your gonna need these." He dumped my teeth on to the table next to my head.
"She don't use butter, she don't use cheese, she don't use jelly, or any of these..." My cell phone started ringing again.
Don was suiting up for work. Around him there were odd tools hanging from looping tubes that looked like giant springs. He never had to lay his tools down, they never got lost. He would just pull them down from the ceiling when he needed them, and when he was done they would bounce back up. His work area was spotless. Initially he was disturbed with what Ted had done to me, and now he was furious that my phone was ringing. "Take care of that Damn phone Stockings!"
Ted picked up the phone and flipped it open.
My ex wife Carol and her new boyfriend Dr. Granger were sitting at the table of a medium that they found in Louisville. There was a crystal ball on the table of the darkly lit room. Carol's eyes were as big as silver dollars as she held on to Granger's hand. Granger had a smirk of disbelief on his face. The rather portly woman at the other side of the table had her eyes closed and was swaying rhythmically. "I can feel the spirit of Marty...he's in the room with us now!"
Carol swallowed hard. Granger almost laughed. "Marty, come to us, speak through me Marty, use my body to talk to your Wife!" The medium jerked. Her eyes opened and shot chimney red sparks. "Listen, Brunhilda, Marty can't come to your little circle jerk right now, he's laid out in about a hundred pieces scattered all over the fucking room. Tell his bitch of an ex wife and that bunny quack of a surgeon to mind their own Goddamn business and quit bugging us. If they are harboring some guilt about the way they treated Marty just let them know he's getting it worse down here! Now for the last time....go fuck yourselves!" With that the medium's head slammed down on the table so hard, her crystal ball jumped out of it's base and rolled off the table with a thundering bang.
Carol screamed the scream that you would hear in a horror movie. When she looked over to Granger all she saw was an empty chair and an open door.
Ted closed the phone. "See ya around 6:00." He tossed the phone into a garbage drum and walked out the big metal door.
Don pulled a tool down from the ceiling and covered his face with a welder's mask. "Asshole." he muttered.
4 Comments:
YAY!!! You are back!
By Anonymous, at 5:28 PM
Yo...cj....where are you coming up with this stuff? It's wild...and, thought I'd throw this in....we're waaaaiiiitttinnnggggg. =)
By Anonymous, at 9:55 AM
It's all true. I swear! Next stop..Oprah's book club
By Joe, at 10:48 AM
Oh Great! Make me waste more money on a book that ISN'T true! Because I WILL have to buy it, even though I've already read it here. What will you call it....A Million Little Possum Peckers? A Million Little Pieces of Marty? =)
By Anonymous, at 12:50 PM
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