Give up?
The answer to yesterday's puzzle.... it's the guy with the golf club
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Smokin...We have a Pope
Today is the last day of the rest of my vacation. I was just looking through photos of previous trips and realized that my camera is broken. It doesn't really matter because all I've done on my week off is golf and moan. Sometimes I golfed and moaned at the same time. My horoscope today tells me that there is something troubling me that is tough to verbalize, so naturally I'm going to try and put it into words instead.
A young man was cleaning my golf clubs after a round on Wednesday. During the course of our meaningless banter I mentioned I could hear a Smashing Pumpkins song coming from somewhere and I was curious where the sound was emanating. The young man said he was surprised I knew who Smashing Pumpkins was. Naturally, I laughed and killed him with a 5 iron. I took it to mean that I looked too old to hold such "hip" information. That bothers me because 1.The Pumpkins are an old group, and I think they suck. 2. I don't mind getting old but suddenly I am looking old. I was told by a friend that it just may be that I don't look that old, I might just look like a dork. I have a gray beard that I shaved and now I look like an old dork without a beard. Which brings me to the Pope.
Pope Benedict XVI is our brand spanking new pontiff! Taken in the second round draft by Seattle. He is 78, which means he still has records in his collection that play at his age per minute. I heard a newscaster saying he was surprised by the selection because we don't need another old sick Pope. I immediately thought that would be a great name for a band. The Old Sick Popes. My belief is that they have this brand new Vatican motel that is so deluxe the cardinals want to come back again and again to elect Popes. The only way to do that is find eligible candidates who couldn't live longer than a carnival goldfish. Next Pope...Abe Vigoda. Chicago's own Francis Cardinal George Mellencamp Cougar was one of the Cardinals to help vote in the new King of the Catholics, and expressed remorse that the Honeymoon Suite didn't have Spectravision. Maybe next year.
Speaking of the Cubs, if the cardinals can find a really great Pope with only 2 rounds of voting, why can't they convene and elect a new closer for the northsiders?
In retrospect, I shouldn't be so upset that the young man thought I was an old codger. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. He, after all, looked like Shaggy from the Scooby-Doo TV show. His current lot in life was to scrub the crap off of my clubs and carry my bag to the Monte Carlo. I think that if I'd had my wits about me, I would've used a 6 iron.XXXXX
A young man was cleaning my golf clubs after a round on Wednesday. During the course of our meaningless banter I mentioned I could hear a Smashing Pumpkins song coming from somewhere and I was curious where the sound was emanating. The young man said he was surprised I knew who Smashing Pumpkins was. Naturally, I laughed and killed him with a 5 iron. I took it to mean that I looked too old to hold such "hip" information. That bothers me because 1.The Pumpkins are an old group, and I think they suck. 2. I don't mind getting old but suddenly I am looking old. I was told by a friend that it just may be that I don't look that old, I might just look like a dork. I have a gray beard that I shaved and now I look like an old dork without a beard. Which brings me to the Pope.
Pope Benedict XVI is our brand spanking new pontiff! Taken in the second round draft by Seattle. He is 78, which means he still has records in his collection that play at his age per minute. I heard a newscaster saying he was surprised by the selection because we don't need another old sick Pope. I immediately thought that would be a great name for a band. The Old Sick Popes. My belief is that they have this brand new Vatican motel that is so deluxe the cardinals want to come back again and again to elect Popes. The only way to do that is find eligible candidates who couldn't live longer than a carnival goldfish. Next Pope...Abe Vigoda. Chicago's own Francis Cardinal George Mellencamp Cougar was one of the Cardinals to help vote in the new King of the Catholics, and expressed remorse that the Honeymoon Suite didn't have Spectravision. Maybe next year.
Speaking of the Cubs, if the cardinals can find a really great Pope with only 2 rounds of voting, why can't they convene and elect a new closer for the northsiders?
In retrospect, I shouldn't be so upset that the young man thought I was an old codger. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. He, after all, looked like Shaggy from the Scooby-Doo TV show. His current lot in life was to scrub the crap off of my clubs and carry my bag to the Monte Carlo. I think that if I'd had my wits about me, I would've used a 6 iron.XXXXX
Monday, April 18, 2005
Holiday in Berlin
Today is the first day of the rest of my vacation. The first order of business is to stop being a total dork. OK , so maybe that's the second thing. There are a lot of nasty things happening in my life right now. I'm living in a condo, separated from my wife. My Mother is in a nursing home languishing from a paralyzing stroke, the nursing home has asked her to leave. My family is asking me for advice and not accepting it. My job has been a nightmare for weeks and weeks now. A disgruntled sow of a coworker is trying to get me fired. The Cubs suck. Today my only mission is to see my shrink.
Shrinks know everything. If you refer to the blog on witches in the workplace, it will show how life is one big slobberfest! 3 women in Geneva, Illinois,are suing a hospital there because an employee, a psychologist, put a "Spell" on them. One of the staff psyches there performs witches spells to treat everything from depression to pain. Can life get any better than that! The Psychologist no longer works there, I don't know if she was fired, or if she and Endora are just shopping in France, but the point is, and aren't you glad there's a point, how do you find a great witch psychologist these days? I think I really need one, or at least someone who knows how to practice voodoo.
I think that I have some sick magic power over people. The reason I say this is that every woman I've ever had a relationship with has ended up with a totally fajizzled life! I know what you're thinking...You're thinking Joe, it's because they had a relationship with you... or maybe you're thinking it's because I always end up with women that are fajizzled to begin with... or maybe you're thinking, "I'll wait until he turns around, and I'll hit him with a shovel!"
The truth is, and I think you deserve to finally hear it, I control the entire universe but I have no control over myself. I'm like a God on Nyquil driving all of our existence, ignoring the warning on the label. The world is nothing but the biggest of heavy machinery, and I'm digging up trouble by the scoopful and I'm dropping it on your cereal. On the other hand, maybe I'm just a pawn in the game of life. Maybe someone else put a curse on me and forgot to tell me. I'm all for legislation that would require anyone who puts a curse on you, has to tell you about it!
Sorry I haven't blogged in a while, but I think you can see why. I've been ill and depressed and in trouble. Granted that's pretty humorous stuff, but I'm also playing golf. I promised myself that I wouldn't blog unless I had some kind of point to express. Another broken promise to myself. I think if Kerry Wood gets healthy the Cubs could turn things around. Maybe he should see a psychologist.XXXX
Shrinks know everything. If you refer to the blog on witches in the workplace, it will show how life is one big slobberfest! 3 women in Geneva, Illinois,are suing a hospital there because an employee, a psychologist, put a "Spell" on them. One of the staff psyches there performs witches spells to treat everything from depression to pain. Can life get any better than that! The Psychologist no longer works there, I don't know if she was fired, or if she and Endora are just shopping in France, but the point is, and aren't you glad there's a point, how do you find a great witch psychologist these days? I think I really need one, or at least someone who knows how to practice voodoo.
I think that I have some sick magic power over people. The reason I say this is that every woman I've ever had a relationship with has ended up with a totally fajizzled life! I know what you're thinking...You're thinking Joe, it's because they had a relationship with you... or maybe you're thinking it's because I always end up with women that are fajizzled to begin with... or maybe you're thinking, "I'll wait until he turns around, and I'll hit him with a shovel!"
The truth is, and I think you deserve to finally hear it, I control the entire universe but I have no control over myself. I'm like a God on Nyquil driving all of our existence, ignoring the warning on the label. The world is nothing but the biggest of heavy machinery, and I'm digging up trouble by the scoopful and I'm dropping it on your cereal. On the other hand, maybe I'm just a pawn in the game of life. Maybe someone else put a curse on me and forgot to tell me. I'm all for legislation that would require anyone who puts a curse on you, has to tell you about it!
Sorry I haven't blogged in a while, but I think you can see why. I've been ill and depressed and in trouble. Granted that's pretty humorous stuff, but I'm also playing golf. I promised myself that I wouldn't blog unless I had some kind of point to express. Another broken promise to myself. I think if Kerry Wood gets healthy the Cubs could turn things around. Maybe he should see a psychologist.XXXX
